The Natalie Show

…and when I return to my desk from doing whatever I was doing..usually something normal like going to the bathroom, getting coffee or lunch, or making a personal phone call..I find that I had forgotten to press the ‘pause’ button.

Inevitably, because I listen to my music at the highest possible volume because I clearly want to be deaf so I can someday channel Beethoven, my ahole Ipod is blaring something really offensive, inappropriate, and embarassing.

By offensive and inappropriate I’m referring to songs such as the infamous college favorite, ‘Put in in My Mouth’ or songs by Notorious BIG and/or little Kim that are peppered with gems such as ‘eat my p*ssy’, ‘c*ck’, and ’shooting n*ggers up’. (which by the way is great running music) By embarassing I’m referring to lyrical masterpieces such as Backstreet Boys ‘All I Have to Give,’ Bel Biv Devoe’s ‘Poison,’ or a variety of other songs that I don’t necessarily need or want people to know that I’ve actually paid .99 cents to download.

DAMNIT Dolores (my iPod touch’s name is Dolores), why do you repeatedly do this to me? Can I not leave you anywhere without pulling this s*it? If you keep it up, you might become a victim of another garbage chute incident..remember that? That was the fate of your archaic cousin, Mini Ipod, several years ago and it won’t turn out well, I promise.

On another random tangent, don’t you love when your iPod is on shuffle and a song comes on that you hadn’t heard in ages and you get all surprised and excited to hear it. Like…Oooooooooooo I love this song. As if some song fairy had actually magically downloaded the song onto your iPod while you were sleeping instead of you doing it yourself?