The Natalie Show

…or maybe not so secretly. **Note that if you have weird hate mail to send me please use the ‘Contact Me’ page. 

So little people and half Asian babies seem to be a trend.  And I’ve totally catapulted myself onto both band wagons.   Unfortunately my fiance is Polish–pretty much as far away from Asian as he could get.  Blonde, blue eyes.  Extremely attractive (IMO but to each her own).  BUT DAMN HIM for not being Asian.  Those little babies are so f*cking cute and although we are not planning on birthing any mini ‘us’s’ anytime soon, I’m admittedly concerned about the Polish/Czech/Hungarian/Irish/Italian mixing.

So many things could go wrong.  It’s like a really weird mixed breed dog or something.   But no matter what else they are mixed with, I’ve never seen a not cute part Asian baby. 

We had a discussion several weeks ago (’discussion’ meaning me asking him if he would be ok with me straying from the marriage in order to have a half-asian child without having to adopt and him only half listening to me per usual).  I think he mumbled something about in vitro fertilization.

I’ve accepted the fact that I may one day find myself stalking mothers with what look to be half asian babies, screaming and crying in a jealous rage. 

Right now, the closest thing we have to a child is my fiance’s (and now my) puggle, Peanut.  But hopefully, when the time comes for us to be insane enough to bring another human into this life, we’ll be able to baby shop and choose from some type of pull-down menu of what we would like our child to look and act like.  

Besides all of the basic stuff, health, 10 fingers, 10 toes, blah blah blah, I would like him or her to not have the eyesite of an 89 year old person. Simon and I are both useless without our glasses.  If this gets passed down the baby will come out of the womb bumping into shit.

And I don’t want my kid wearing glasses before the age of…7.  Kids are mean enough but  having eye gear is torture in school.   Bringing a 4-eye’d Vavricka-Dabkowski into the world is the equivelant of throwing a child into Michael Jackson’s playland without full body armour on.